Some days I dont even know I'm sick

And there are weeks like this when it just sucks.  Right now I'm up for a possible promotion at work, but due to my sick days/personal days the head boss is hesitant to give it to me.  Considering that since Christmas I have had one sick day (the day after I was in a car accident), and missed a total of 2.5 days for Doctor appointments, it sucks.  These are not "my kid has the flu" sick days.  My surgeon  is in a city an hour and 45 min away from work (which means another hour from home).  My CAT scan took 20 minutes of appointment time but 3 and 1/2 hours driving.  Its not like I can say "sure just let me say no to the surgeon appointment that I've waiting 4 months for because you want me sitting at my desk".  Sigh.  And no my work is not suffering.  My direct team lead wants me in the new position.

I wanted to include this link from Lene Andersen Pluck - and I wanted to quote the following passage

" that's the tricky bit, because traditionally, yes, the public only wants to hear from people who "overcome" the challenges of illness. They don't want to hear about the daily struggle unless it culminates in an achievement, unless you're the plucky kind, preferably pretty enough to qualify for poster child status, the one who can smile through the hardship, remind the great unwashed of how lucky they are to be healthy. And you know what? There is no overcoming of disability. Because a chronic condition doesn't improve, you cannot conquer it, you cannot defeat it. Arthritis doesn't go away. Neither does MS, ALS, spinal cord injuries, muscular dystrophy, many types of blindness and deafness. There is only living with it, coexisting - sometimes uneasily, sometimes not. Having a disability is part of what you are, what you do. Sometimes it's a small part and sometimes, it overwhelms the rest. But what remains is this: you live your life anyway. And to the aforementioned great unwashed, this apparently looks like plucky overcoming and I'm not quite sure what they expect - that people with disabilities should curl up in a fetal position and a whimper the rest of our days? Continually bemoan our wretched state? Off ourselves as living without walking is a fate worse than death (an act which many able-bodied people have told me would be their response to disability)?...And I think that's part of the reason why we blog and write: to remove the patina of Other. To document how, within our different experience, we are not different. And most of all, to take the language back from being filtered through the able-bodied perception of disability and illness and ensure that the voices that tell our stories belong to us."

I love this, I put a brave face on all the time, people call me courageous. I'm not. I'm just living my 'life'.  It does suck sometimes.  And yes I do curl up in a ball and cry some days.  But I don't have much of a choice.  This is my life I have to live it the best I can.  Just some days I really want people to understand that there are challenges that I need a hand with or understanding from, without having to tell them EVERYTHING.  I shouldn't have to tell my boss that my bones in my feet are fusing together to have him understand that I need a couple of days to meet with a surgeon.  We live in Canada, if I got in to see a surgeon this quickly something must be seriously wrong.   

Anyways back to the horses!


My ride on Tuesday was ok, (but it was cold) my ride on Thursday sucked, my back and hips were locking up when I tried to lope.  Poor Oscar was trying but he was getting frustrated with me bouncing around on his back... So we gave up, and just walked and jogged.

Today I was going to have a lesson but my right foot was killing me, so we called off the lesson (and D went and tacked up Chilly so I could finally watch her go).  And I rode Oscar around on my own for 20 minutes.  Oscar is such a good boy.  I kicked him by accident when I was trying to get him to lope off, couldn't get a easy squeeze, but my leg did move!  Poor boy just grunted and loped off. 

So I did get to watch Chilly!  And D loped her both ways, and rode her in the bit for the walk/trot portion.  She looks so grown up now, she's really looking like a grown mare and not a baby any more.  He's also got her standing still at the mounting block so he can get on her, getting her used to doing it now, which will be a big help for me.  Shes loping good, her head is up, (of course) but willing to go where D points her, and her legs are SOOO good!