Why hasn't winter ended!

Its snowing, again.  It was so bad this am we had to turn around and come home instead of heading to work.  It was pure ice on the road, with blowing snow, and ice pellets going on top of that. 

This weekend I had a ride on C's Appaloosa which was interesting.  I didn't lunge her nearly enough at the beginning and had a slight rodeo ride when she decided she was still very fresh!  (She hadn't been ridden in several weeks).  Other than that I had a good ride, trying to fix my bad habits that Oscar has instilled in me.  Mostly my locking hips at the lope. 

Thankfully my chiropractor was able to work on me this past Monday, and I did try to loosen up a bit on trotting Oscar on Tuesday but its something I'm going to have to work on.

I also had a bit of a weird moment on Tuesday.  Dr O had talked about getting my thyroid checked again but I never thought anything of it until the lab test paper came a couple of weeks ago.  I took it in on Tuesday and found out it wasn't from my Rheumatologist but from the Endocrionologist (they both work in the same building at the same hospital).  Turns out its been 5 years since the lump on my thyroid stabilized.  Hopefully the tests that we'll do this year will let me sleep easy for another 5 years.

More snow...

Blah! I hate snow. Mostly because most work days my drive into work is an hour of back country roads and highways with crazy french drivers. (not that I don't love the french but they drive like they talk!) So when I get up in the morning and there is snow on the ground forgive me for not feeling excited.

Normally Id be at the barn at this time of night but I decided to stay home due to, you guessed it, snow. However the new drugs that the doctor gave me on Friday seem to be working. I have allot more energy and managed to go to bed (and get to sleep) before 10pm all weekend. I even managed to be in bed and ready to turn out the light by 9pm last night!!! I know it sounds early but I get up at 5:30am and up until Aug I always got 7-8 hours a night. The past 2 months there have been some 1am nights and its really tough to get up in only 4.5 hours.

I saw both the RA and hormone doctors on Friday. Not much new from the RA doctor. She wants us to wait until Jan before we decide to do anything else but shes encouraged by decent blood tests results. The hormone Dr thinks that I should start some small amounts of thyroid hormone. She was pleased that she could no longer feel the lump, and its no longer producing excess hormone but the rest of my thyroid hasn't caught up to regular production. Another reason why I'm feeling out of sorts and low on energy.

I personaly love how she wants me to lose weight, 'oh just walk extra, or lift weights' Yeah my somewhat fused ankle and fused wrists would love for me to do that. If only it was that easy.

Luck

Well Ive been recovering from the stress of last week (and mentaly relaxing... but have had a test every day so far ...) Ive been reading some of the form topics on pleasurehorse.com. On in paticular kinda pricked my ears up. It was about a womans feelings that if she isnt going to at least have a chance at winning why should she show. Responses varried from 'for fun', to take a break, but one really got me thinking.....

"Someone told me a couple weeks ago that they battle their nerves by chanting something to the effect of, "I am SO lucky to be here. I am SO lucky to have this horse. I am SO lucky, so lucky, so lucky..." I thought that was truly wonderful advice. We really ARE lucky, but we all need to remind ourselves of that from time-to-time:)"

And that made me really sit back. Yeah Im stressing about showing this summer, and money, and finding enough time to ride, and to ride WELL in that time, but I started thinking about whats happened in one year.

One year ago they found the lump in my neck with swolen glands all around it. The doctors thought I had HL. I seriously thought for 2 weeks that I was going to die. Or that if I lived I would be dealing with cancer for a long time, on top of the RA that I was just managing to function with. I couldnt ride, and when I got on it was only for a 'pony' ride due to the pain the RA was putting on my joints. I had to tell the owner of the yearling that I would try that, summer but depending on treatment I might not be able to handle a yearling.

And now....So Im making my "I'm so lucky" list!!

* Im almost pain free thanks to Remicade. When my joints are bad they feel really bad, but it is less swelling than what I had on a normal daily basis before.

*I have fantastic friends (esp one...) that have stood by thought it all. And keep pushing just enough so I dont take the easy route out.

*I can ride again!!! No I will never ride like I did when I was 24 (aparently this is a commen thing as you get older!) But I can get on, ride well and have fun again.

*I have great people who are happy to let me ride there horses into the ring (so so lucky for this!) And who have gone out of there way to prep these horses to make my life easer.

*I had the oppertunity to go back to school to hopefully get a great job, that will allow me to do what I want with the horses, so it remains fun.

*That it is not cancer.


That comment made me think of somthing else too. Back when I was grooming in Ont, and working for a crappy employeer, I called my mom to talk about my week and how things were ok and bad all at the same time. She said and I quote "will you listen to yourself? You would have died when you were 12 to even stand next to these people, or to touch there horses!" And its true I would have died a happy death at 12 if I had known all the horses and people I would work with lol. Kinda makes you wonder whats comming next?

Well.....

Sorry Ive been busy lately, working on accounting projects to finish up (it is my last year...) and stuff. Havn't been riding (back to the accounting project thing!) And Im feeling the lack. Im also looking for a job to work at when Im done school. Which is killing me. All I want to do is fix horse problems and clean stalls :( And everything hurts.... sucky week all around....

Oh I did see the Thyroid dr. Everything is good, the lump is still there but less inflamed and my thyroid is working nomaly now. Im off the Synthroid. So things are looking up in that area. She still wants to run blood tests every two months but I should be ok.

COLD!!!

Well for the past few days its been around -35 to -40 with wind chill around here. Its really cold! Now it seems to have warmed up BUT its now snowing :( Winter is just not working for me!

Got the results back from the ultrasound it hasnt grown... but it hasnt srunk either. So more tests they took me off the thyroid meds for a few weeks to have my (hopefully) TSH drop to 25% Im assuming that my TSH was working again because thats what clued them into that I had a problem, I had no TSH. So another couple of blood tests, then the radio-active iodine again, and the thyroid scan. None of this hurts (other than the needle with the iodine but its just a needle) but it is a pain in the ass. Why couldnt I just be healthy?

So I emailed the ex, basicly saying that it hasnt grown, more tests ect. (like I told ALL my friends). and I got "thanks for letting me know". I dont know what I was expecting but still... This is from the guy that said 'maybe when your done school..." Thinking my friend was right, somthing else was wrong (with either him or me) and he just didnt want to man up.

Good news: I go riding again in 2 days... that is if it stays warm and the roads are good......