New barn, new trainer, new lesson pony.

Sorry I've been missing in action. Between the new schedule (who knew I'd have more energy from not sitting in a car for two hours each day), mild personal drama, and good doctor appointments I've been spending less time online.

Now that I'm home at 4:15 I've been trying to walk a couple of km's every night, mostly that depends on the weather, I don't want to slip but its been going well.

My last surgeons appointment was awesome.  Between last winters x-rays and Octobers there was no bone loss, which means that I was given the go ahead to use it before I loose it.  We're monitoring it and I have a follow up appointment in a year but other than using pain killers when needed I'm good to go.

I went to the old boss's and rode 2 weeks ago, it was good seeing him again and all of the horses, but I didn't get much out of our 'test' lesson.  It was kind of disappointing but he does live almost an hour and a half away which gets hard to drive in the winter.

The next lesson was with a trainer only 15 min outside of the city and less than a min from my best friends house (not necessarily a deciding factor but it was nice that we got to ride together again).  We ended up with another girl in our lesson that maybe should have not have been there but the trainer worked us into a busy schedule this week so we took what we could get.

So I rode one of her old horses, who's been ridden by just about everyone, and he was a hoot.  I kept pushing buttons that should have been there and should have worked, but he'd just keep on doing his thing.  I finally asked what I was doing wrong to be told not much, but that Snap needed to figure out what I was all about before he decided whether or not to listen to me.  Anyways she really worked on getting me to ride correctly and evenly which is where I have been needing some work, and she helped me with my 'drifting' hands.  All in all it was a great lesson, I was sore in all the right places the next day which is always a good sign.

Body Image

So, going a little off the horse topic here... 

Weather or not you all know it, and you should, as I do occasionally post photos here, I'm a big girl.  I've always been 5'11" but the past 8 years with RA have not been kind to my waistline.

For a long time food has been the only thing that's made me happy.  Stuff that made me happy before RA, horses, exercise, hanging out with friends, partying, suddenly in best case scenarios hurt, and in worst cases I just wasn't able to do them any more.

Drugs didn't help with the weight gain/loss.  

Anyways the past couple of months have been transforming.  Its not that I completely love what I see in the mirror yet, I think thats going to take more time, but I'm happier with what I see.  

The hair has helped a lot, its given me more confidence in myself and what I wear.  I feel like I need to dress up to match my hair, and the extra effort is getting noticed at work and from my friends.  I've noticed that I'm walking with more confidence now, that instead of thinking that people are laughing at me when they look at me I feel more like they are admiring me (or at least my confidence!) 

Up until two months ago I'd never posted a selfy without a horse in it and a helmet on my head.  Lately I've posted two (without horses!) without prompting from anyone, and I'm happy with them.

The new man is helping in his own way.  Having someone tell you how pretty you are, and complimenting you would help boost anyones confidence.

Yesterday I tried on fancy lingerie, most likely for the first time as a plus size girl.  Last time I bought fancy stuff I was a size 13 (and 24!), and while there are parts of me I want to change, I was ok with what I saw in the mirror.  And the realization that having ME be ok with it, and accepting it, and being proud of how I look, is a big peice of how other people see me as well.  Confidence on the inside shows on the outside...