I'm Back!

I'm really sorry it's been forever, (almost 6 months I think?) A lot has happened and I've finally got an updated browser at work that allows me to update blogger! So the biggest news is that I've moved in with my boyfriend! Our place is about 20 min from the city in a near by resort town. The town only has about 5000 people in the winter, but almost triples in size once the spring hits.

G is amazing. Caring, loving, understanding of my RA and of the side effects that come with it. We've managed to merge two lives into one without any drama or issues what so ever. I never knew how easy a relationship could be until I met him. Not that every day is perfect, we have our bumps in the road, but loving him is easy.

On the horse side, I've been riding a couple of times each month on good old Lucy, G has even gone and ridden her! He's really good with the horses but a bit nervous in the saddle. Lucy kept sneaking looks at me while he walked and jogged her around. She wasn't real impressed to have a new beginner but she was very good for him. He's never ridden much but he's really looking forward to going to some shows this summer.

We're going to hit a couple of small shows that Lucy's young lesser is more than happy to let me ride her in a couple of Sr classes so I get to go to some of the shows.

Chilly is still working out for her new family although it kills me to watch them ride her. But I knew going into it she was going to be sold, and that I couldn't afford her. I just wish they could have sold her a little bit further away.

I promise that I will update more frequently in the future! First show is on July 4th

Goals for 2015! (The better late than never edition)

I've been slacking on the blogging.  Although this blog really started out as a way for me to deal with some difficult feelings and health issues when I was diagnosed with RA and a lump on my thyroid it blended into more of a riding/horse focused blog over the past 5-6 years (OMG has it really been that long?!?).  So if anyone out there is still reading.. what do you guys want to read?  I'm not getting much riding time lately, and my showing this summer is going to be limited... Do you guys want stories of my past as a head groom/trainer before RA got in the way?  More about my everyday life?  Help me keep writing!

So heres a recap and relfection on the goals from last year (you can find that post here)

1) Ride different horses.  Even if its just the kids horses, more saddle time on different horses will make me more confidant.

Again not so much of a win here... I rode Chilly and Oscar most of the spring/summer and I did get to ride Lucy a couple of times.  I guess I also got to ride 2 different lesson horses this fall so I guess it wasn't too bad.

2) Try to continue to ride at least twice a week. 

Done! At least until the fall, when the move to the city took over my life

3) To have more "wow look what we just did" moments weather at home or at shows.

Done!  I was so proud of Chilly and I this summer.  From an unbroken 3yo to kicking but in the show pen 6 months later is a huge accomplishment for anyone, let alone someone with health issues.  Chilly was one in a million though, and she is very happy with her new owners.

4) To have some serious plans to be out of my parents house and be closer to work by this time next year.  Its going to mean moving away from the barn but part of the plan is going to be finding a way to ride.

Done!  I now have a 6 minute drive to work, it is so great you have no idea.  The lack of riding time sucks but hopefully in the new year I'll figure something out.

5) To show this summer.  Doesn't matter what horse or where but I want to show.  I'd really love it to be with Chilly.  (And maybe Lucy at the exhibition lol)

Done!  Took Chilly to 5 shows this summer and had so much fun with her.

6) To make myself go out and interact with people who might not necessarily be horse related. 

Done!  I'm even dating... who would have thought?

7) To try to get out to a clinic or two this year and ride in them!

Done!  I got to two clinics with an old trainer friend and I took 2 lessons, one with my old trainer that I hadn't ridden with in a while and one new trainer.

I'm going to set some more reachable goals for next year, and might even update later this spring when I have a better hold on what I have time/money for and what I don't.

1)  To get out of my box more and interact with new people.  Join club or fundraising group, something.
2)  To get into some kind of lesson program to get riding on a semi-regular basis again.
3) To get to a show and show in a couple of classes 
4) To continue with this walk/run thing when my feet are good enough and the weather cooperates.

It's so much easier when it's me

Today my best friend diagnosed with cancer. It sucks, it's much easier when its you. 

Now i know how my parents felt when we discovered the lump on my thyroid.  It's not that you don't feel worry, stress, fear and depression when it happens to you.  You just feel even worse when you have to watch it happen to someone else.  And when their prognosis is not the greatest.

Now we wait while more tests are done. 

New barn, new trainer, new lesson pony.

Sorry I've been missing in action. Between the new schedule (who knew I'd have more energy from not sitting in a car for two hours each day), mild personal drama, and good doctor appointments I've been spending less time online.

Now that I'm home at 4:15 I've been trying to walk a couple of km's every night, mostly that depends on the weather, I don't want to slip but its been going well.

My last surgeons appointment was awesome.  Between last winters x-rays and Octobers there was no bone loss, which means that I was given the go ahead to use it before I loose it.  We're monitoring it and I have a follow up appointment in a year but other than using pain killers when needed I'm good to go.

I went to the old boss's and rode 2 weeks ago, it was good seeing him again and all of the horses, but I didn't get much out of our 'test' lesson.  It was kind of disappointing but he does live almost an hour and a half away which gets hard to drive in the winter.

The next lesson was with a trainer only 15 min outside of the city and less than a min from my best friends house (not necessarily a deciding factor but it was nice that we got to ride together again).  We ended up with another girl in our lesson that maybe should have not have been there but the trainer worked us into a busy schedule this week so we took what we could get.

So I rode one of her old horses, who's been ridden by just about everyone, and he was a hoot.  I kept pushing buttons that should have been there and should have worked, but he'd just keep on doing his thing.  I finally asked what I was doing wrong to be told not much, but that Snap needed to figure out what I was all about before he decided whether or not to listen to me.  Anyways she really worked on getting me to ride correctly and evenly which is where I have been needing some work, and she helped me with my 'drifting' hands.  All in all it was a great lesson, I was sore in all the right places the next day which is always a good sign.

Body Image

So, going a little off the horse topic here... 

Weather or not you all know it, and you should, as I do occasionally post photos here, I'm a big girl.  I've always been 5'11" but the past 8 years with RA have not been kind to my waistline.

For a long time food has been the only thing that's made me happy.  Stuff that made me happy before RA, horses, exercise, hanging out with friends, partying, suddenly in best case scenarios hurt, and in worst cases I just wasn't able to do them any more.

Drugs didn't help with the weight gain/loss.  

Anyways the past couple of months have been transforming.  Its not that I completely love what I see in the mirror yet, I think thats going to take more time, but I'm happier with what I see.  

The hair has helped a lot, its given me more confidence in myself and what I wear.  I feel like I need to dress up to match my hair, and the extra effort is getting noticed at work and from my friends.  I've noticed that I'm walking with more confidence now, that instead of thinking that people are laughing at me when they look at me I feel more like they are admiring me (or at least my confidence!) 

Up until two months ago I'd never posted a selfy without a horse in it and a helmet on my head.  Lately I've posted two (without horses!) without prompting from anyone, and I'm happy with them.

The new man is helping in his own way.  Having someone tell you how pretty you are, and complimenting you would help boost anyones confidence.

Yesterday I tried on fancy lingerie, most likely for the first time as a plus size girl.  Last time I bought fancy stuff I was a size 13 (and 24!), and while there are parts of me I want to change, I was ok with what I saw in the mirror.  And the realization that having ME be ok with it, and accepting it, and being proud of how I look, is a big peice of how other people see me as well.  Confidence on the inside shows on the outside...

Guess who this is!!!

Lucy!  She got shoes on last week, so I asked to ride her this weekend.  I was a little worried because she had been so 'wild' lately with the herd she is out with, but apparently she needed to come in and go to work.

She was really hot in the cross ties, but they were replacing the roof on the barn so I kind of understand that, I lunged her for a little bit, then climbed on.  It was seriously like she had been off for a week, not over a year.  Shes very out of shape, and needs to be in a routine, but we were right back to where we were last year.  I've missed loping her soooo much!

I don't know how much I'll get to ride her, I'm tossing around the idea of doing lessons with another coach closer to wear I live now, and I think that would help me grow as a rider, but I love Lucy and I love my barn family at the old place...  things to think about I guess.

Living the life, well sort of

Loving the new apartment and the 10 minute drive to work.  I'm seriously missing the pony time.  I've gotten to ride at least once each weekend since moving away but its not the same as going every night.

I love Oscar, its so much fun to be riding a broke solid horse again.  The last ride I had on him I was thinking those same thoughts, when he spooked at the sun shinning in on a pylon.  *sigh* Well I guess you cant have everything.

In more personal news, I'm dating again... its been a long time but with the new hair and location I thought I should give it another try.  I've met someone really nice but its still early in the relationship.  We'll see how it goes ;)