Some days I just cant help myself, and I slowly spiral down into my own little RA caused funk. Thank you all for your supportive comments when I'm having a day like that! Becky brought up a good point...
"If you never got sick those moments wouldn't mean that much to you. You wouldn't appreciate them like you do. That's what I tell myself. There's so much I would take for granted if I didn't have RA - the other day I trotted down a flight of stairs and jogged to catch up with a friend... and it hit me that I was having an EXCEPTIONALLY good day...and it just made my whole day. I wouldn't have cared at all if that was normal."
Its true, when I have a great day I really appreciate it! Maybe I would have been a better rider, but would I have appreciated that moment that I had with Lucas last week or would I have just expected and demanded perfection from every horse that I rode?
RA has changed my life in so many different ways, I moved out of my parents house when I went to college, and other than breaks during the school year I didn't go back until I moved home when I started feeling 'off', and even then it was only going to be temporary until I figured out what was going on and found a grooming job in Florida.
At first I really did need help, driving more than 15-20 min was tough, and forget about me driving a stick shift ever again! I found it hard to do house work and have enough energy left to cook supper for everyone. (I had to leave my job at the same time too, and was unemployed for 2 years until I was able to go back to school) For a good explanation of how people with RA and other autoimmune illnesses deal please read The Spoon Theory http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/
Right now my parents are letting me stay at home until I get my student loans paid off. (I couldn't pay rent, loans and have Lucas) However even though I'm now doing much better sometimes I still need help opening jars, milk cartons, getting objects (such as a frying pan) out of an award cupboard. In Oct I lost my balance in the shower and fell, I was ok but I wouldn't have been able to get off the ground if my Mom hadn't come in to help me. Some days you have to think about where you have been to appreciate how far you have come.
For 3 years I was too scared to ride. That's why this blog is called On The Ground, I figured that would be all I would be able to do... But now some days when I'm riding I think about the people who are healthier, who can do more on a horse, who aren't out riding. Me and Lucas might be 'Has been's" but were still going, even if some days its only at a walk.
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