Luck

Well Ive been recovering from the stress of last week (and mentaly relaxing... but have had a test every day so far ...) Ive been reading some of the form topics on pleasurehorse.com. On in paticular kinda pricked my ears up. It was about a womans feelings that if she isnt going to at least have a chance at winning why should she show. Responses varried from 'for fun', to take a break, but one really got me thinking.....

"Someone told me a couple weeks ago that they battle their nerves by chanting something to the effect of, "I am SO lucky to be here. I am SO lucky to have this horse. I am SO lucky, so lucky, so lucky..." I thought that was truly wonderful advice. We really ARE lucky, but we all need to remind ourselves of that from time-to-time:)"

And that made me really sit back. Yeah Im stressing about showing this summer, and money, and finding enough time to ride, and to ride WELL in that time, but I started thinking about whats happened in one year.

One year ago they found the lump in my neck with swolen glands all around it. The doctors thought I had HL. I seriously thought for 2 weeks that I was going to die. Or that if I lived I would be dealing with cancer for a long time, on top of the RA that I was just managing to function with. I couldnt ride, and when I got on it was only for a 'pony' ride due to the pain the RA was putting on my joints. I had to tell the owner of the yearling that I would try that, summer but depending on treatment I might not be able to handle a yearling.

And now....So Im making my "I'm so lucky" list!!

* Im almost pain free thanks to Remicade. When my joints are bad they feel really bad, but it is less swelling than what I had on a normal daily basis before.

*I have fantastic friends (esp one...) that have stood by thought it all. And keep pushing just enough so I dont take the easy route out.

*I can ride again!!! No I will never ride like I did when I was 24 (aparently this is a commen thing as you get older!) But I can get on, ride well and have fun again.

*I have great people who are happy to let me ride there horses into the ring (so so lucky for this!) And who have gone out of there way to prep these horses to make my life easer.

*I had the oppertunity to go back to school to hopefully get a great job, that will allow me to do what I want with the horses, so it remains fun.

*That it is not cancer.


That comment made me think of somthing else too. Back when I was grooming in Ont, and working for a crappy employeer, I called my mom to talk about my week and how things were ok and bad all at the same time. She said and I quote "will you listen to yourself? You would have died when you were 12 to even stand next to these people, or to touch there horses!" And its true I would have died a happy death at 12 if I had known all the horses and people I would work with lol. Kinda makes you wonder whats comming next?